Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
– Leonardo da Vinci
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Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
– Leonardo da Vinci
This is a fascinating video that explains several important ways that humans use language in different types of human relationships:
Around 3:30 the video talks about three types of human relationships (which according to anthropologist Alan Fiske are the only three types): Dominance, Communality (share and share alike) and Reciprocity (you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours).
At 5:30, awkwardness is defined as a clash between these relationship types.
The point is that by better understanding human relationships, one is able to better handle human relationships. A video like this allows you to think about human relationships at a higher level.
Today’s Reading comes from Chapter 3 of the book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle. In this chapter, the focus is on separating your self from the stream of conscious thought that runs incessantly through the human brain:
The ego loves to complain and feel resentful not only about other people but also about situations. What you can do to a person, you can also do to a situation: make it into an enemy. The implication is always: this should not be happening; I don’t want to be here; I don’t want to be doing this; I’m been treated unfairly. And the ego’s greatest enemy of all is, of course, the present moment, which is to say, life itself.
Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right. And to refrain from complaining doesn’t necessarily mean putting up with bad quality or behavior. There is no ego in telling the waiter that your soup is cold and needs to be heated up – if you stick to the facts, which are always neutral. “How dare you serve me cold soup…” That’s complaining. There is a “me” here that loves to feel personally offended by the cold soup and is going to make the most of it, a “me” that enjoys making someone wrong. The complaining we’re talking about is in the service of the ego, not of change. Sometimes it becomes obvious that the ego doesn’t really want change so that it can go on complaining.
See if you can catch, that is to say, notice, the voice in the head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a conditioned mind-pattern, a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who was aware of it. In fact, you are the awareness that is aware of the voice. In the background, there is the awareness. In the foreground, there is the voice, the thinker. In this way you are becoming aware of the ego, free of the unobserved mind. The minute you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old, conditioned mind-pattern. Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist. The old mind-pattern or mental habit may still survive and reoccur for a while because it has the momentum of thousands of years of collective human unconsciousness behind it, but every time it is recognized, it is weakened.
If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.
– Anthony J. D’Angelo
My son is in Boy Scouts. His scout troop is sponsored by a local church, which provides the scouts with the space for their meetings as well as space to store equipment and supplies.
The church runs a food bank for the local community, providing food on a weekly basis to 70 or so families (rising into the hundreds around Thanksgiving and Christmas). The Boy Scout troop helps with the collection of food for the food bank.
Last Saturday, the scouts fanned out into local neighborhoods distributing bags to each house. The bags asked for donations of non-perishable food items – both canned food and dry food (things like macaroni and cheese and muffin mix). 750 bags were distributed.
This Saturday the scouts went to retrieve the donations. 153 bags had been filled. The bags were weighed and contained 1,700 pounds of food. The food was sorted into categories and is stored on shelves in a closet to await distribution. The church also takes donations from its members as well.
Besides the food bank, there is also a baby service that provides diapers and baby food for families in need. There are also counselors that work with people to help them with finances, and there is a bill paying service that will pay things like power bills for families that have run out of money.
For more information on this particular effort, see Food Pantry Ministries. Thousands of churches do things like this, and there is probably something similar happening within a mile or two of your home.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
– Drew Carey
Today’s reading comes from the Introduction to the book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Whenever we’re dealing with bad news, a difficult person, or a disappointment of some kind, most of us get into certain habits, ways of reacting to life – particularly adversity – that don’t serve us very well. We overreact, blow things out of proportion, hold on too tightly, and focus on the negative aspects of life. When we are immobilized by little things – when we are irritated, annoyed, and easily bothered – our (over-) reactions not only make us frustrated but actually get in the way of getting what we want. We lose sight of the bigger picture, focus on the negative, and annoy other people who might otherwise help us. In short, we live our lives as if they were one great big emergency! We often rush around looking busy, trying to solve problems, but in reality, we are often compounding them. Because everything seems like such a big deal, we end up spending our lives dealing with one drama after another.
After awhile, we begin to believe that everything really is a big deal. We fail to recognize that the way we relate to our problems has a lot to do with how quickly and efficiently we solve them. As I hope you will soon discover, when you learn the habit of responding to life with more ease, problems that seem “insurmountable” will begin to seem more manageable. And even the “biggies,” things that are truly stressful, won’t throw you off track as much as they once did.
Happily, there is another way to relate to life – a softer, more graceful path that makes life seem easier and the people in it more compatible. This “other way” of living involves replacing old habits of “reaction” with new habits of perspective. These new habits enable us to have richer, more satisfying lives.
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.
– William James
If there were one problem in the world today that you could change, what would it be? Perhaps it would be poverty, or malaria, or the extinction of whales, or climate change, or cancer, or…
If you visit Charitynavigator.org, you can find information about 5,500 of the largest charities, and there are many thousands of smaller charities, organizations and projects trying to address the world’s problems.
What if you were to pick one of these causes and give it your support in terms of your time, your energy, your voice and your financial contributions? Pick one. Pick any part of the world that you believe could use improvement, and support an organization big or small that is making a difference in that area. Focus on it, and make a difference yourself.
Or, as part of your efforts in DecidingToBeBetter, you could become a social entrepreneur and start your own organization. Or, at a smaller scale, start a project that blends in with the work of a charity, do a fund-raising drive for a charity, etc.
Because you think that the work of this charity/cause is important, you will find it easy to put energy toward it and you will enjoy what you are doing. Your activities would also add meaning to your life.
If you alone did this, it would make a big difference. If we all did this, it could change the world.
Every person you have ever met, every person you will pass in the street today, is going to die. Living long enough, each will suffer the loss of his friends and family. All are going to lose everything they love in this world. Why would one want to be anything but kind to them in the meantime?
– Sam Harris